Hi, my name’s Chad. I’m a recovering complainer.

As you’re sitting here today, maybe you’re wondering, I can’t really think of anyone that complains. Well, that might be you! If no one came to mind, you might be that person. Here’s the problem: Grady isn’t really just a character. Being Grady is a temptation, because every one of us, if we are honest with ourselves, has a little bit of Grady in us. It doesn’t take much, right? One bad phone call, one difficult coworker, maybe a disappointing diagnosis, an unfair decision that’s been made, one unexpected bill and you’re like, Now what am I gonna do?, or one prayer that God hasn’t yet seemed to answer. Before we know it, our hearts begin to fill up with resentment, with frustration, with criticism, with disappointment, and complaining.

It’s like we start carrying around this garbage with us everywhere we go. And as we carry it around, the longer we carry the trash, the more that trash affects our lives.

Scripture Reading

I like what the Apostle Paul said to the church in Philippi in Philippians chapter 2. He says these words: “Do everything without complaining.”

What’s that mean? Do everything—not just some things—everything without complaining. That’s a pretty high bar! How are we supposed to do everything without complaining? I mean, Paul, you didn’t live in our world today. You haven’t driven down Mountain Road when they got construction going on at five o’clock and it’s just all backed up and I really just want to get home, and you’re like, Why are people not moving? Somebody relates to me! You’re like, Really, Paul? Everything? Like, even on Monday morning when I gotta go into work and deal with those people I work with? Even when the internet’s not working? Even when my kids are not doing what I’ve asked them to do and they just won’t listen? Even when I’m driving home from work and someone cuts me off? No, Paul says in everything—because complaining isn’t really a mouth problem; it’s actually a heart problem.

The Story of Joseph: Promise vs. Process

There’s a story found in the book of Genesis, and it’s a story that I think I relate really well to. I kind of look at my life—maybe not to the same degree, because certainly I would say my life has not been the same as this person’s—yet there are definitely some things about it that I’ve connected with. And it’s this guy named Joseph.

Joseph’s story begins in Genesis chapter 37 and it moves through much of the rest of the book of Genesis. It gives us the whole story of his life and what happened. Joseph’s life begins with God giving Joseph a dream and a promise. Now, Joseph is really young—he’s the youngest of his brothers, and he’s favored by his father. He’s given this special coat that he wears. His brothers are extremely jealous of him; in fact, the scripture tells us that they hate him. He’s only 17 years old, and he goes out and tends the flocks with his brothers, and his brothers make his life miserable.

Now, there’s something that I discovered as I was reading through, and I think this might ring true for many of us today: God’s promise often comes before God’s process. We love the promise! We love that God says, “Listen, I will be there for you. I’ll never leave you, I’ll never forsake you. I’ve got plans to prosper you,” and we’re all like, Yes, thank you, Lord! But then there’s a process that we have to go through in order to get to that place where we are appreciating and enjoying that promise. See, we don’t generally get very excited about the process, because the process is where God shapes our character before he fulfills his calling on each of our lives.

So Jacob, Joseph’s father, says to Joseph one day, “Listen, Joseph, I want you to go out to your brothers that are tending the flock and see how they’re getting along.” Now, Joseph lived in the valley of Hebron, and he was sent to Shechem. Shechem is about seventy kilometers away from where Joseph lived. So Jacob sends Joseph on his way to travel to Shechem, and when he gets to Shechem, lo and behold, his brothers are not there. He could have just bailed and come back and said, “Sorry, Dad, they weren’t there.” But no, he’s a good son. He’s like, All right, I’m gonna find out where they are. So he goes and talks to somebody, and he finds out that his brothers were actually in Dothan, which is another thirty kilometers further. Imagine this on foot! He’s walking this entire way, so it took him several days to get to this location.

What he doesn’t know in this moment as he continues to look for his brothers is that every step that he is taking is only taking him to the greatest pain he’s about to experience in his entire life. Isn’t that often how life feels? You’re trying to obey God, you’re being obedient to what you ought to be doing, you’re doing the right thing, you’re being faithful, and then suddenly life blindsides you—the diagnosis, the betrayal, the loss, the disappointment. The dream that God gave you doesn’t really match the life that you’re living. God promised this, and yet this is the circumstance that I find myself in. God, where are you?

When Joseph catches up to his brothers, they get really upset with him again because they don’t like him. In fact, they wanted to kill him until Reuben says, “No, no, no, hold on. Let’s not kill him. There’s this pit over here. Let’s go throw him in the pit.” So they throw him into a pit, and then they devise a plan: they see a caravan coming along, and they sell him into slavery. Imagine what Joseph’s thinking—a 17-year-old young man, given this dream from God, and now as he watches his brothers disappear in the distance and he’s being dragged along into Egypt, he’s probably thinking to himself, God, I thought you gave me a dream! In that dream, my brothers were bowing down to me. I was supposed to become a leader in my family. God, what are you doing? This doesn’t look anything like the future that you promised me.

In that moment, Joseph had two choices: Joseph could have chosen to get bitter because of his circumstances, or he could choose to get better. And I don’t want you to miss this today: The pit wasn’t where God abandoned Joseph; the pit was where God began preparing Joseph. Because God’s promise often comes before his process. And if you are in process today—which I expect you are—don’t give up on the promise.

Faithfulness in the Midst of Pain

Joseph arrives in Egypt and he’s sold to a powerful man named Potiphar. Understand that Joseph has not only lost his home, he’s lost his family, he’s lost his freedom. He had every right to become bitter. But catch this: Joseph refuses to stop being faithful to God. Genesis tells us that the Lord was with Joseph. In fact, in everything that he did, the Lord blessed his hands and blessed the work that he was doing. Potiphar placed Joseph in charge of his entire household. For the first time since leaving home, Joseph’s beginning to feel like, Okay, well, this wasn’t really what I envisioned, but I guess this isn’t so bad—until everything changed again.

Potiphar’s wife continues to look at Joseph and wants to have a relationship with him. She keeps going after Joseph, yet Joseph continuously denies her, until one day no one’s in the house except for Potiphar’s wife. Joseph goes in to go about his tasks, she tries to take advantage of him again, and he runs away. Yet she grabs his cloak, and then she declares rape to Potiphar. When Potiphar hears it, he’s absolutely furious, and he throws Joseph into jail.

Joseph actually didn’t do anything wrong; he did the right thing, and yet he still experienced pain. We often assume that because we are doing the right thing, we are then free from the consequences of a painful experience. But sometimes you can be faithful and still be misunderstood. You can walk with integrity and still be falsely accused. We can make the right decision and still suffer at the hands of someone else’s choices.

Here’s the second truth that Joseph’s life teaches us: My pain doesn’t have to determine my future. Pain may be a part of your story, but it doesn’t get to write the final chapter. And here’s the heartbeat—if you don’t hear anything else from me today, I hope that this is what you walk away with: What happens to me doesn’t have to determine what happens in me. Joseph couldn’t control what Potiphar’s wife did, he couldn’t control her accusation, and he couldn’t control Potiphar’s decision. But he could control how he would respond to those accusations, and he could control what kind of person he would become despite what followed. Joseph had, again, two choices: he could either become bitter, or he could become better.

Illustrations/Stories: Waiting in the Silence

I can remember back in university when I felt God’s calling on my life. It was my first semester, and I was sitting in a class, and I really felt God gave me a vision of what my future was going to hold. In that vision, there was a great multitude of people there, and I was speaking. Yet, strangely, when I finished my undergraduate degree and started pastoring in a church, God always seemed to lead me to these small little churches. There’s nothing wrong with small little churches, but the vision, the dream that I thought I had was something more.

I moved from the first church that I served in, began my master’s degree, and moved to Halifax. Everything had gone really well in the small church I was in, and I thought, Well, I’ve got preaching experience, I’ve got youth experience, God’s gonna open some doors. I got to Halifax with my wife Sarah, and there was nothing. For two years we were there, and there was just nothing—no churches, which was really difficult. I began doubting whether or not God actually called me into ministry, until an opportunity arose.

I checked in with that pastor and we talked, and it seemed like we hit it off. We went through a whole interview process, and I started there. About two months in, I realized that something wasn’t quite right. So I went to the pastor and I asked him about it, and he lied right to my face. It was the first time where I was just like, I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Then I asked again, and he lied again—to the point that I actually began doubting, like, Did I misunderstand what was said to me, or what’s going on? I went and asked some other friends who actually were a part of the whole interviewing process, and they said, “No, that is what they said to you.”

I couldn’t believe it. I was so angry that a pastor, a person in this position whom I looked to and expected to have integrity and character, treated me that way. I was so angry, and it caused me to spiral out yet again.

I can’t imagine what it was like for Joseph, who was sitting in prison. He’d done nothing wrong. Not for days, not for weeks—for years he sat in prison! While he was in prison, he had the ability to interpret some dreams for Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker. Those things came to pass, and Joseph said to the cupbearer, “Remember me when these things come to pass, and tell Pharaoh about me.” The cupbearer promised he would, but he forgot. And Joseph remained in prison.

Can you imagine that feeling every morning, wondering, Will today be that day?, listening for the sounds of footsteps, every opening of the prison door, every passing week, only to realize that no one was coming? No one remembered, and for two years longer, Joseph waited until chapter 41 tells us something remarkable: when Joseph was 30 years old, Pharaoh had these dreams that no one could interpret, and the cupbearer finally remembered Joseph.

Joseph was 17 years old when he was taken into slavery; now he’s 30 years old. For 13 years, he’s still waiting for God to unfold the process of the dream that He gave him. Friends, he had to wait a long time, which brings us to our next truth: God often uses patience to prepare us.

How many of you like waiting? We want God to work right now! We live in a world of instant gratification, yet God is far more interested in working in us deeply than working in us quickly. God is never in a hurry, because he’s preparing us for something greater than what we can see. Years later, things were going really well for me, and then the bottom fell right out of it—huge betrayals, and my physical health failed me. I had huge issues with sciatica; I couldn’t even get up and move. It was just suffering. And it’s like, God, why? I didn’t do anything wrong! Why am I experiencing all of this emotional and physical pain? You just feel like you’re in prison.

Joseph had two choices: he could become bitter, or he could become better. He could have been like, Well, God’s forgotten about me. This dream is never gonna happen. Why should I keep trusting? Or he could become better. He still trusted God, even when God seemed to be silent.

The Ultimate Purpose

After thirteen years, everything changes for Joseph. Pharaoh has a dream, Joseph interprets it, and he is placed into a position of power. No one in the land of Egypt is greater in power than Joseph, other than Pharaoh himself. The pit, the slavery, the prison—none of it was wasted. God used all of it to lead Joseph to that position.

Years later, the promise finally starts to take place. Joseph delivers his family, and his family does eventually bow down to him because the famine was so severe. Joseph’s brothers all come down to Egypt, and Joseph finally has his opportunity: he can get even! He can imprison them, he could torture them, he could even have his brothers put to death for what they did to him. But what does Joseph do? Instead of getting back at them, he chooses to forgive them. And then he speaks one of the greatest truths in all of Scripture: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.”

Here’s the lesson: God’s purpose is always greater than my pain. God never called Joseph’s suffering good, but God was so powerful that he used the evil and the hard things in his life to accomplish good. See, what happens to me doesn’t have to determine what happens in me. Joseph could have become bitter, he could have chosen revenge, he could have let his past define his future; instead, he chose to become better. Because forgiveness is how we take out the trash.

Three Antidotes to Complaining

Joseph teaches us that we don’t have to become like Grady the Grouch. How do we actually take the trash out? The Bible gives us three practical antidotes:

1. Replace complaining with gratitude. Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances.” Notice that it doesn’t say give thanks for all circumstances; it says give thanks in all circumstances. Gratitude doesn’t deny reality; it changes our perspective. Complaining focuses on what’s missing; gratitude focuses on what’s been given. The quickest way to change your attitude is to start counting your blessings instead of your burdens.
2. Replace complaining by renewing your mind. In Romans 12:2, it says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control what shapes your thinking. A renewed mind doesn’t ignore problems; it learns to see problems through God’s perspective instead of through your own.
3. Replace complaining by focusing on what is good. Philippians 4:8 tells us whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, think on such things. Why? Because whatever fills our mind eventually comes out of our mouth. If you fill your mind with negativity, complaining and arguing will come out of you. But if we fill our minds with gratitude, recognizing the little things that God is doing even in the midst of hard things, your perspective will begin to change.